Right now I would like to run away. Even just for the rest of the day. But I can't because I have things that I have to do. Responsibilities.

I'm feeling stifled.

I need to perform. It's been to long since I was on a stage. Doing rehearsals, fitting costumes, learning lines, being stupid with the cast and crew, driving the director crazy. I haven't been home in so long.

The theatre is my home. The smell of the smoke machine. The heat of the lights. The dark blue light of the wings. The mess of the dressing rooms. The thick pimple giving stage make-up. Sweating it off then touching it up after every scene. The adrenaline.
I miss it so much. I crave it. Just to stand on stage with a light on me. Even if the seats were empty, I wouldn't care.

I want to write. I know I have a book in me. I have characters and ideas and themes but I can't put them all together. I love forming the words in to the perfect order. Creating a picture that can be seen a thousand different ways, through a thousand different eyes.

I want to sing. Sing what I can't say. Singing is the easiest way for me to tell people how I feel, but I never get to, and I have to make do with speaking. I love to feel the power in my chest when I belt, hearing to full tone. I love controlling the quietness. Feeling the words that someone else has written and making them mine.

This is what my heart wants.
This is what my head tells me I will never have.